Wednesday, 14 January 2015 00:00

confidence in kids

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Let’s face it kids now a days don’t have it easy. It takes guts to be a kid in today’s world. Whether going to a new school or facing the class to read a report , kids have to battle out a lot.

But we as parents cannot and shouldnot fight their battles for them. Because if we do so we would not be raising them to grow up into confident and competent people.

Instead of constantly monitoring their work and performance and make them feel less confident and competent we can follow a general guideline while dealing with children.

The first rule should be “DON’T RESCUE YOUR CHILD” .

In discussion about whether kids today are “ spoiled” its common to hear accusations that we as parents are over protecting . This is anxiety provoking for any parent , because the line between appropriate support and helicoptering is rarely clear and it becomes all the more invisible when we are blinded by parental instinct. Its always like that a helicopter parent is someone who hovers more than you do.

Its only natural to want to prevent your child from getting hurt , feel discouraged or making mistakes, but when you intervene you are not doing any favours. Kids need to know that its ok to fail, that its normal to feel sad, anxious or angry.

We are told that failure is good for kids and builds resilience, the fact of the matter is that resilience comes not from failures but from picking up and trying again. From the experience of learning that its worth to pick yourself up and try again.


Of course compliments play an important role and encourage kids whether they are learning to crawl or throw a ball. But don’t let your child get used to praise so much that he has a hard time realizing when his accomplishments are really worth celebrating. There are letter ways to build self esteem then heaping on praise for everything even every day things that they are supposed to do like brushing their teeth.

Infact , by over praising kids we’re doing more harm than good. We are lowering the bar. If you keep telling your child that she is doing a great job than you are saying she no longer needs to push herself.


When kids make their age appropriate choices, they feel powerful. Psychologists say that kids as young as two can start considering the consequences of their decisions. You can start by small things like what to wear or whether they need to wear a coat, hat or mittens in the winter. Once they can differentiate between warm and cold they can make a choice and be responsible for themselves.


Another surefire way of boosting confidence is to encourage them to take on tasks they show interest in, then make sure they follow through to completion. It doesn’t matter what the task is whether a video game level or the number of laps in swimming pool. The point is that they learn to finish what they start and not get discouraged midway and quit without giving it their 100 %.


If your child feels defeated , help her to be more optimistic by trying to focus on the ways to improve rather than giving up. For example if she did not get the lead in the school play than help her to focus more on improving her abilities so that she gets it the next time rather than sulking.

So these are a few pointers as to what we as parents can do to make our children more confident and competent and ready to face the world. Remember confidence and competenc are skills that don’t happen overnight. Like all skills they need practice so we have to be patient and consistent in our parenting.